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July 17, 2009
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Is everything worth it?

I am sitting here, typing. I am alone, both physically and mentally, it seems. The clouds outside are in limbo; to rain or not to rain?

Is everything worth it?

Every day… that thought flashes in my mind. Every day I am surrounded by self-absorption, selfishness and hate. Every day I question myself…

Is everything worth it?

Is my life worth existing? Is my existence worth living?

The majority of my friends have gone, disappeared, and I clutch at the friends I do have, terrified that they will go too.

I don’t understand how people can be so self-centred, so rude and so mean. How did we reduce ourselves to something so low?

Is it to seek attention? Is it for popularity and to appear “cool”?

I get shunned, but… I don’t mind. I’m used to it. I’m used to people ignoring me, I’m used to people looking at me in disgust, I’m used to the feeling of worthlessness as if I’m not a living, breathing person who can feel… feel so much.

I have faith… but I feel that it is trickling down, bit by bit, second by second. I believe, but… I’m not sure whether I believe anymore.

I don’t want to hear your updates of your lives on Twitter or whatever you do on Facebook. I don’t want to see everything from your point of view. I don’t want to read your experiences or how you feel your lives are shit.

For once… can I be selfish, can I be rude, can I be mean too?

Why do you complain? Why do you treat people like this? Why?

We are all humans. Every single one of us reading this… we’re all the same. We all have bones, we all have blood and we all hurt.

“You did it wrong”

Did I? Seriously?

Right, wrong… light and dark, does it all matter? Is everything worth it?



I’m not too sure anymore.

Even though I believe there is still some good out there, for once… I don’t think it is strong enough. Light and love will not prevail this time, because we are sinking. We are truly sinking to something so low, we will never rise up again.

It seems that it is our human nature, our animal instincts, to only care for one, to only think of one, to only act as and for one.



I see nothing positive around me anymore.

Is everything worth it?


I don’t know.
... Just stop.
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:iconderelictvampire:
DerelictVampire Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
There are such interesting juxtapositions here: Wanting the freedom to be selfish or a jerk sometimes and wanting people to care, to have a greater capacity for compassion and look beyond themselves. Feeling that we're doomed yet expressing such a desire for "light and love." Questioning if it's worth it--but it feels to me that in the question there's more than resignation--"I don't know" seems to imply it's still uncertain, that even within the sense of pointlessness there's a glimmer of hope, as elusive as it is.
Well, that was my impression anyway. Don't know if I came close to the mark.
In a more visceral sense, I could relate to everything you said. I had an experience last year where someone was sending me some pretty awful notes. And I kept wondering, "Why do they hate me so much? How can they be so convinced they know who I am? And how come they have a right to be an a-hole, but I don't??"
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I suppose there are. Juxtapositions are interesting enough most of the time. :P

That's right. :nod:

I think you've got quite an accurate impression... though, of course, there is no entirely right or wrong answer... the piece can be interpreted however you want to interpret it.

Really? Wow... what happened? Did you sort it out in the end?
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:iconderelictvampire:
DerelictVampire Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012
I can't talk about it since it involves other people. And no, it didn't really get sorted out. It kind of went away eventually. But I'm still affected by it, like there are places on dA I don't feel comfortable going.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Ah, that's fair enough. :nod:

Hmm... >.>

That's a bit dodgy, no?

Yeah, that's understandable. I am the same as well. :la:
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:iconscorpionmk4:
ScorpionMK4 Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2011
lol i noticed that alot lately it's kinda depressing that most people now only think about themselves and sometimes i think that i'll be like them too but i can't... btw i noticed you like 'flying' or something along that line what's your fave animal? i'm just curious :XD:
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Ah, yes, I get what you mean! :)

I think it's just inherent, really. :nod:

Birds. :D

I'm not exactly... I don't know much about them, and I really only like the fact that they can fly, really.

I'm fixated on freedom, and flight relates to that. :nod:
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:iconscorpionmk4:
ScorpionMK4 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011
aha i see! awesome :glomp:
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:iconcrunchy-case:
Crunchy-Case Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2011  Student Artist
Whoever did it should own up so I can punch them in the face.

Your opinions have more value to me than those worthless shits
who were being rude to you. Don't give a damn about them. Don't listen
to them. Yes, you can be selfish any time you want. It's your right as a
human being. They can't take that right away from you, because well,
they're humans too. They're just powerless really.

Just believe for a little while more, because everything will worth it in the end.
Reply
:iconfiresonic152:
Firesonic152 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2011
I wish I could favorite comments. I really do.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
:lol:

You are too kind. :hug:
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