Sta.sh
I felt Alive.
by ^3wylIt's good to bleed.
Yesterday, I stabbed myself with glass. The blood... it wouldn't stop.
...and it was hard to believe, it is hard to believe, that this blood (apparently) travels nearly 12,000 miles, beats around 35 million times every year and pumps a million barrels of blood during an average lifetime.
Just to pull out a few facts and figures from a site.
Not even sure if it's true.
...but it is interesting, isn't it?
I haven't stepped foot in hospital since the day I was born. I rarely get injuries because I am not 'accident prone'. After going so long without hurting myself physically, it's good to feel pain... literally.
It's good to feel pain that is different to the mental, emotional, or psychological pain that nobody ever sees if the person wishes to.
But a chunk of skin flapping... or a plaster covering that? That can be seen.
I had forgotten what it had felt like, what it looked like, after going so long without an injury.
The best part?
It's miraculous how we can heal so fast.
Six or so hours after slicing myself, and all I could see was an incision or a cut that you would see if you had cut cardboard, for instance. It didn't look like skin, or 'meat', but a neat cut you would make if you had wanted to cut into plastic with machinery.
The funny thing is, is that, prior to that, it wasn't neat at all.
You know when you get a paper cut and it stings?
That's what it felt like for me. It didn't hurt so bad that I was crying. It just tingled, and stung... sparked a bit, if you want to go there, but that... that, for me, was a sign that I was patching my body up not of my own volition.
And, then, after that?
I felt alive.
Observations such as that about never going to hospital widen the sense of the scope, but it never really leaves the site of the wound for long
I love the descriptions of the wound itself as like cardboard or (not) meat
The chunk of skin flapping is an interesting one too.. they all make me visualise different wounds o:
It's good how you open it on the blood too because it makes you think of the value of it..
This is in the non-fiction category!
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This person is amazing [link] (:
It could be anything you interpret it as!
o.O
Different wounds.. I can see what you mean by that.
Mm-hmm!
Thanks a lot for your comment. It sounds as if you've got it all there.
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They would think of the stinging sensation as pleasurable, and be elated, feel alive, for the time being. But as the pain passes away and the wound heals, they would feel that depression again. And the cycle would begin once more.
I felt quite sad while reading this. A friend of mine is rather like this, so I felt like empathizing. Taking care of her when she cries and chastising her whenever she does something harmful, I feel like taking care of a child sometimes. But I know she is not one, she matured way beyond her years.
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avatar by candysores
❒ Taken
❒ Single
✔ Mentally dating a character that doesn't actually exist (Itachi Uchiha) ♥
Yes... those are the scars inside that never fade, perhaps.
Indeed. That sounds about right. Of course, there is a bit of variation, but.. yeah. =/
Hmm... there is a conflict there, I suppose, and a harsh mixture of maturity and... innocence, perhaps.
Thank you for commenting.
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"An enemy is someone whose story you do not know." Thich Nhat Hahn
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"A church is a hospital for sinners NOT a clubhouse for saints."
What I Know
Okay, so what is this about then? (I can't read all the comments) I'm now thinking it wasn't intentional--funny that my mind went there. I guess I'm so used to it on dA. sigh...wish I wasn't. Now I'm wondering if it's entirely metaphorical about something I haven't thought of. Gee, now I'm in suspense, hah...
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"I'm the vampire of my own heart
—One of those utter derelicts..." —Baudelaire
No, it wasn't intentional.
I know what you mean. Usually it is that case, no? Intentional anda ll that?
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Very nice and touching as everything you do is.
So relatable. I don't cut myself to feel alive though.
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